How Bad Do You Want It?

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.”

-Jim Rohn

I never got around to posting anything on Sunday because I had the motivation to rework my closet and when that kind of drive kicks in, I have to take full advantage of it before it disappears. I’m happy to report that my closet looks much better than it did. The rest of my room, however, now contains about ten different messes. Why is it that when you manage to get one thing under control and properly functioning something else, or twenty, end up getting messed up? I’m not by any means a clean person, but when there is disorder I don’t feel like I can function. I’m now trying to figure out what the next step is to help me feel like I can think in there again. It all feels very overwhelming. I could’ve done something to fix it today, but I spent the majority of my day switching between the same apps and looking up classes for my new major. I’ve become very aware in this past week that….well….where do I start?

I am very good at making excuses. I’m also very skilled at making myself believe that those excuses are valid reasons. Sometimes they are. I opted to drop an online class I had registered for because I’ve discovered online is not my style. Reading? On purpose? For class? I can’t just listen to you lecture? I fall asleep reading books I choose. Papers? Why? I don’t want to write when someone tells me to. Observations? Trying to schedule those and fit them in with work involves planning and time management. You know what? I’m going to have to do all of those things I don’t like doing extremely often for my major. Can I handle that? Is this the right major for me? Anyway, I ended up submitting a form to change my major today. I think (fingers crossed) it really was the right decision. That still doesn’t change the fact that I was trying to avoid the work I didn’t want to do.

Speaking of avoiding things, let’s talk about relationships. I’ve also realized just how bad I am at feeling. I can think. I can even overthink. But feel… So, you know, instead of having emotions, let’s just avoid them all together. Genius! Oh, wait…doesn’t that significantly increase my odds of ending up alone? Uh oh. For someone who hates running, I sure have gotten good at running away from anything that could possibly have potential.

And while we’re on the subject of running, I’ve been been terrible at working out the last couple weeks. There were the days I was working on making my closet nice so the rest of my room could feel cramped and crowded. I couldn’t go on those days. I had to take advantage of my motivation while it lasted. Let’s not mention all the cheese and crackers I’ve been eating out of pure convenience and all the other unhealthy food I’ve been consuming. No good excuse besides pizza tastes good and so do donuts. Not really helping me get any closer to my goal of eliminating dairy, though.

What I’m trying to say in all of this is if you don’t want to keep going in the same direction, you have to make some changes. I believe being aware of where you fall short is the first step. The next several steps can seem daunting. Just focus on the next one and only the next one. Thinking too far ahead can paralyze you from moving forward. Trust me. Sometimes the scariest part of making a change, whatever it may be, isn’t the one you’re wanting to make, but all the consequential ones that can and will happen as a result. You can’t always predict those and, let’s be honest, many of us are fearful of the unknown. Even if you can predict them, knowing what will follow might be what’s holding you back. Instead of being disciplined and devoted, we opt for excuses. Chances are if you have an excuse today, you’ll have one tomorrow, too. Perhaps the timing isn’t right. There’s a chance it never will be. Maybe you don’t have the support you’d like, people will question you, make fun of you. There’s always the possibility that you don’t actually believe you can do it and you don’t want to inevitably fail. It all comes down to how badly you want it. And don’t even think for a second you should be like me and convince yourself that you don’t actually want it that badly. You know you do. If it’s on your mind and in your heart, there’s a reason. One step at a time. You got this! (This is the part where I realize I need to take my own advice).

“Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion.”

Wedding Crashers 🎥

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